hello me, its been a while :]

I've been looking forward to saying this for months- I'm finally completely over that guy! YESSSSSSS. It's such a great feeling to not be upset or mad or have any feelings what so ever for that jerk. I've moved on, and it feels wonderful.
I can walk outside and enjoy the day without thinking about him, I can honestly say I'm fully me again. The only difference is I'm stronger than ever :]

I'm going into my fourth week of school, can you believe it!? I can't! Holy moly! I'm really liking my classes so far, not really meeting anyone but thats ok, I've got amazing friends as it is I'm just really happy these days.

My birthday is on wednesday! I'm finally going to be 21. SOO exciting! I'm going to really miss my dad though, more than usual. I'll take a shot of vodka for him. :]

I don't have much to say.. going to Vegas on thursday so I will keep you guys up to date with pictures and stories! My mom bought me front row tickets to see the Elvis Cirque Du Soleil show for my present. I AM SO PUMPED BEYOND BELIEF!!!!!!!

more later, church tomorrow- I'm finally also no longer angry with God about my dad's death. It feels so good to accept the things I cannot change, and trust and have faith. Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan and I'm here for the ride to see where God takes me. <3

dear dad..

School officially started for me, I just finished my first week at my new school, can you believe it!?! I sure can't. It's been a rough road for me without you here. I miss your encouraging talks, the reassurance in your voice, just everything we ever talked about you always made me confident about what I'm doing and where I plan to go. You always gave me so much confidence in myself... and I don't have that anymore.

I finally realized why I'm having such a hard time adjusting to Century, and it's not because I'm not living on campus like I had previously thought. It's cause I don't feel proud of myself for going there. I've had a lot of discouraging words and disappointment from some people I know, and you know as well.., and I just remember when Kimmie transferred to St. Kate's how proud everyone was and how you even cried! And I just feel kind of like a failure that I'm going from St. Thomas to Century. But I keep telling myself I'm going there for a reason and that I should be proud of myself no matter what.

I'm still working on my confidence. I always struggled with it, but these past few months its just deteriorated. I hate boys. I hate how low they can make you feel. I hate everything about taking chances with them because look where it always leads me. You always told me I'd find someone who saw in me everything you did, and I'm starting to feel like this person you have described doesn't exist. And its so hard for me not to have you reassure me about everything. I miss you.

I went to the state fair with mom and kimmie last night for dinner. We ate lots of food as always, and despite the fact that your presence was greatly missed, we had a great time! We are going again for the whole day tomorrow and then sunday with Christy, Mark, and Lainey. I will for sure visit our spot at the DNR fish pools to visit the big fish for you, I know you'll be there. Last year when I did I cried I missed you so much, so hopefully this year I can be a little more stronger for you, and maybe even smile this time at our spot.

I wish I could tell you something that you would be proud of me for, but lately I've just been living to get through each day. I know I shouldn't be like this.. please guide me dad. Please let me know you're proud and please visit me in my dreams soon? I miss you. We could go fishing or to the fair :] you get to pick.

I love you.

absolutely loves dreams..

especially when my dad visits me in them like he did last night. :) I don't remember what happened in my dream or why he was there. But I woke up with this great sense of peace and remember that he was there. Those are bittersweet for me because on the one hand I get to see my dad, on the other its just a dream and I don't physically get to see him. You know? But I learned to take what I can get and if dreams are the only way I can interact with my dad and see him then I'll take it!

It's been 17 months tomorrow since he's died. I cannot believe it. I just can't believe I've gone 17 months without my dad. I look back and try to find the positive in every situation so I've been thinking of what his death has done to me. Besides all the negatives of missing him, being heartbroken with him gone, the amount of physical and emotional hurt, etc. I did come up with some positive things. Trust me though, I'd trade and give ANYTHING just to have him here, but since that's not going to happen I just have to be thankful for the times I had with him and what his death has brought me. I've learned that now he's EVERYWHERE I am. I can feel him constantly in the wind, in the sun, snow, rain whatever. I just feel him always around me, and its comforting. Now if I'm nervous about a test or something, I just think he's right next to me cheering me on! His death has also brought our family so much closer. We've always been a tight knit family but we are more so since he's died. I never leave or hang up without saying I love you to my family. And before that if I didn't say it I never thought twice. But now I just do. And I love that. His death has taught me to be more open and express how I feel to my family. His death has also made me so much stronger. At times I feel anything but strong, but I've made it almost 17 months since he's died and I've survived.

On a lighter note...Just 2 more days til Jimmy and Nikki get here. 5 more days until DULUTH!!
My room is SOOOO FREAKING MESSY. It has to get cleaned up before they get here so that's my night and day tomorrow blaaahhh. oh well.

c'est la vie!

xox

oh boy!!

It's been a while since I've updated. I guess I just haven't had much to really say. I had been having a really hard few weeks. I've been on antidepressants for about 3 years now and I had misplaced them a couple weeks ago and just recently found them again but for the past few weeks I couldn't find them my depression got REALLY bad. To the point where I couldn't even shave my legs because I was so tempted to hurt myself that I had to just avoid it all together so I would know nothing would happen. I hardly talked, I cried a lot. etc. It was just not me. I also thought about that boy a lot during that rough patch and felt pretty down about myself.

But no more thoughts on him anymore. I know I'm way too good for him I've got so much going for me and I don't need that toxin in my life. So if he tries to talk to me again, which from what I posted the last time I doubt he will, but if he does, he will not receive a response from me. :] I have to be strong for myself and know that better things are out there for me.

I finished orientations and I have my books and everything all set and ready for classes to begin on the 23! I'm super excited and soo nervous at the same time-its so weird! But, I'm ready for new beginnings and sometimes that means going through a big change, as scary as it is, I just gotta dive in and see where life takes me.

My older brother, Jimmy, and his wife Nikki are coming home in 4 days for a bit! I am SOO excited!!! I miss them so much. And then 5 days we're going to Jax Cafe in Minneapolis with the family for lunch and I cannot wait! They have THE BEST food EVER! AND THEN 6 DAYS AND WE'RE IN DULUTH UNTIL WEDNESDAY!!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! My absolute favorite place in the whole wide world!!!! It's the one place I can truly relax completely and just enjoy life. Just sit out on the balcony of the hotel room and read and look out at the lake. SOO relaxing. And of course lots of shopping, zoo visit, watching boats, swimming, gooseberry falls, betty's pies, so much fun!!! It'll be weird it's the first time as a whole family going up without my dad. So I know I'll be sad, but he's with me everywhere I go, I feel him. So I know he'll be there with us and would want us to have so much fun like we always did. So I'm going to do that for him. I deserve it right? The only downside about this Duluth trip is that David lives up there. So I have a feeling I might be way tempted to try to talk to him because as much as I hate what he did to me a part of me really misses him. I know he just played me from the very beginning but I miss him. But I just need to stay strong and nto do it. NO good can come out of it. So I'm doing it for my own good. I need to protect my heart and it's almost fully healed so why open up old wounds? No point in that.

So. Here's to an amazing next week! lots of pictures and stories and great memories will be had and shared on here. :]

xoxo

if i had just one tear rolling down your cheek...

He started talking to me again yesterday... I had my concert to go to and he texted seeing if it was finally the day of the concert. Cause I have been SOO looking forward to seeing Frankie Valli. And it took me a couple hours I held it in as long as I could but I just missed him so much I had to say something. So I was extremely short with him and just said yep it is. And then he asked how excited I was and I said as excited as I was to see Bob Dylan. And he was like well that's saying something!! And I just kept thinking wow... he's acting like nothing happened.. AGAIN. So I finally was just like you know. I'm still not over you yet. And he's like I see. well know that I still would really like to talk to you but I'll give you space. And I was eating at the buffet and at this point sobbing going god it doesn't even phase him. So I just let it out again telling him he doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And his response was "It must suck for you to have to deal with this" as if it doesn't even phase him. And he said he felt bad for how everything happened. I just don't think he gets it. He knows I'm not over it. He knows. There's no way he didn't know I was over it or that the concert was that night. All my facebook statuses have either been about the concert or about him. So he knows. Yet he still wanted to talk as if nothing happened. So. I'm done. If he tries talking to me again I just cannot do it. I can't put myself through this anymore. I start to be fine and then on cue he tries talking and I think I can handle myself fine and show him I'm so better off without him but it doesnt work. I know now that I just have to let go for good. It's all I can do he clearly isn't interested in me. Why would he be ya know?

anyways. enough of that..
THE CONCERT WAS EFFING AWESOME. 6TH ROW. SHOOK HIS HAND AFTERWARDS uhm yah.
good night. my life is complete now that I shook frankie's hand.

:]

xoxo

a bit freaked out.

Had my gyno appt this morning and everything went well except they found some blood in my urine. So they sent it to get cultured and I asked him what he thought it could be from and he said bladder or kidneys or anything. BUt he said he didn't seem too worried since there wasn't a lot. But it's starting to freak me out the more I just sit and think about it. I HOPE its not my kidneys I had surgery going into my freshman year at high school to cure my kidney problems so thats mostly my concern is that its from that. blaaaahhhh.

I need to take my mind off this. major cleaning my room perhaps? yes. ALSo my concert is tomorrow. I think I am going to pass out when I see them I'm SOOOO pumped!!!!!!

School starts in exactly 1 month! SO crazy but I am so stoked!! New beginnings. Just what I need.
I'll write more later--must go distract myself!

xoxo

one down. one to go!

First part of orientation was a breeze!! just sat at a computer and figured out classes. I'm in badminton, small group communications, an english class and physics. Should be a fun semester I think! I am a little peeved my transcripts never got sent out to Century and I mailed a thing for them to get sent out at least 2 months ago.. soooo I don't know what's going on I have to call St Thomas tomorrow and figure this out.

One more orientation to go on the 29 and FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS ON SATURDAY 6TH ROW!! yaaaah!!!!!!! :)

today's the big day..

First part of orientation tonight. YIIIIKES. it'll only be 90 min at most. But I'm still way nervous about it. blahhhhh.
To cheer myself up I'm going school supply shopping with Katie today! YAY! It's pretty much my favorite thing EVER. And then I'm going to look for some heels for Vegas because I got the cutest dress for my birthday :]

Ok sorry so short. My mind is just all over the place full of anxiety and what not. I'll write more later after orientation.

xoxo

maybe i, i'm not so easily stung..

I've got my orientation tomorrow night. I'm still a bit nervous but now a little excited. I hope the nervous goes away and excited overpowers it. I just get anxiety over the unknown and i overanalyze and over think and just freak out about everything. I just need to relax. It's a new start for me. New start= new beginnings. I just don't know about change. I usually don't like it. But I'm starting over fresh and ready to go to school and meet new people and keep my old close friends even closer to me. I'm so thankful for all of my friends. I couldn't ask for a better bunch :)

I got to catch up with Margo tonight! My roommate from freshman year. She's amazing. And I miss her dearly! So it was nice catching up for a bit and seeing how she's been and what not.

I think the perfect thing for me to do tonight is start season 2 of sex and the city and just lay in bed and relax. That sounds perfect to me. :)

It's his birthday today. And I'm staying strong and just not saying anything. He doesn't deserve my well-wishes. Or presents I had bookmarked online to maybe send so he'd get them by today. He's not worth it. He's scum and doesn't deserve anything I was going to surprise him with.

Here's to new beginnings and cheers to the unknown that awaits me in the future.

xoxo

a weee bit nervous..

This week is going to be hectic. And a little nerve-racking. I have my first part of orientation at Century on tuesday at 6pm. I think that one is only for like an hour or so I have to meet with a counselor to figure out classes and stuff. I don't know why I'm so nervous about it. I just know its not going to be like St. Thomas. And I loved it there SOO much. I just hope I like it there. I really hope I do. And then Friday I have a gyno appointment. YUUUCk. haha I don't really enjoy those but ya gotta do 'em. And Saturday will be the best day ever- going to see FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS 6TH ROW!!! hell YAH! but then on the 29th I have to do the second part of my orientation.
Just lots of prayers that the orientations go well and that I'll really enjoy it there.
Thats all for now.

xoxo

wicked picture i took after the storms passed tonight. pretty eerie looking if you ask me!

home and feeling refreshed!!

It was such a nice little getaway! ahhh so relaxing and just took my mind off of that boy. I hate how I still get really upset when I think about him, but I haven't thought of him as much the past few days, so I'm getting there.. :]

Also! If the game gets cancelled I'm going to CRY! booo! Hopefully the weather stays clear enough so that it doesn't get bad!
Ok I should probably get ready for the game and what not, write more later.

xoxo

my wish has come true!

I will be getting away for a few days. Going to visit Liz in Prior Lake til saturday. She's dog sitting tomorrow night and the place has a pool and everything and it'll be so relaxing I cannot wait!! Oh and saturday I will be going to the twins game with my momma :]

Take each day little by little and I look forward to these small things that make my heart happy :]

xoxo

I need to get away..

like ASAP. I haven't felt this low about myself in so long. First with David. And for the longest time now it seems like I can't do anything right at home. Kimmie constantly yells at me and says either that I don't do anything at all or if I do its not good enough. I'm so sick of it. It takes a toll and makes me feel so shitty about myself. And now with this whole David shit I just haven't felt this bad about myself in a long time. I need to get away.

Lucky for me I have a great love for books. and I can get away by reading. But sometimes that just isn't enough..

so frustrated.

He tried talking to me last night. late last night out of nowhere. He ignored me for about a week and then out of the blue started talking as if nothing happened. So I small talked for a little bit but the whole time in the back of my mind was this stupid hope that maybe he changed his mind. Just maybe he realized I'm a good thing and completely worth it. So I finally just asked why are you talking to me? You've ignored me for about a week and then just start talking. Do you have something specific you want to say to me? And he was just like no. I figure I'd give it a couple days since things ended poorly and I don't want to lose our friendship. And I was just like oh..ok. I just can't believe after all this he thinks I would be fine after a week. Are you kidding me?? He completely crushed me. And he's obviously doing just fine if he thinks I'd be completely ok after just a week. So then he's just like I still think you're awesome. And I was like well obviously not awesome enough since you won't take a chance on me. And all he said to that was "see." So at this point I'm in tears. Just shaking and in tears I'm so upset to the point where I just let it out. I said you don't get it. You don't understand how much I liked you and how for once I was completely myself with a guy in every single way. I gave and gave and gave and at the end fought so hard for you. I've never fought for a guy to give me a chance. I've never wanted a guy that much to fight for him. And you don't understand how much you hurt me and how low you made me feel about myself for not giving me that chance. And then I just signed off. I don't know what he would have said to it. But do I really want to know anyways? He's got nothing to say to me that will make it go away.

I was finally starting to do ok and then after that I'm right back where I was. Completely and utterly crushed.

went rollerblading tonight..

and I only ate it once!!! it was a pretty epic fall, but I laughed my ass off and Kimmie and Sarah Penn laughed as well. But I had such a good night. Kept my mind at ease and no distractions about that guy. I told Sarah about it and she told me that you have to go through a lot of douches to get to the right guy. And she said with girls like me it usually happens when you least expect it. So I guess there's nothing for me to do but focus on other things such as family and friends :) and thats what I've been doing the past few days. I realize how thankful I am to have the most amazing friends who care about me and who I adore so much, especially you Sally :] I can't even comprehend how blessed I am for the people I have in my life.

Plus my little niece just stole my whole heart the minute she was born. She instantly puts me in the best mood and makes all the shitty stuff disappear.

I guess now I don't feel hopeless anymore, but rather hopeful as to what's in store for me in the future and what God has planned for me. I guess there's no point in worrying and stressing over something God has planned for you :)

Goodnight
xoxo

as much of a night owl as I am..

Sometimes nights get the best of me. I still continue to have my panic attacks. Not the past week though, since my focus has been on trying to get over and move on from that assfuck. I've just been really down though, me and him would skype almost every night until we fell asleep and he made me not feel lonely anymore. And now that I lost him I just feel really lonely and again very aware that my dad is not here. Me and him would stay up til about 1am every night and just talk. He would tell me stories about him growing up and what my grandparents were like as parents. Stuff like that. He would tell me about how he got dumped on valentines day EVERY time I got my heartbroken. EVERY TIME. Because to him, nothing was worse than that. So going through this, probably my first big heart break since his death, I find myself retelling those stories he told me to ease my heart a bit. And I can tell you its definitely not the same, but as I say them to myself I hear him as if he's the one talking to me. As weird as that might sound. I guess I just don't want to feel so alone.

A month before my dad died, when I had a guy lead me on the week before valentines day, I got the valentines day story, as well as hearing something I had never heard him say before, or ever will again. He told me that he couldn't wait to walk me down the isle. How he couldn't wait to dance to forever young with me, since that was our song. He promised me he'd be there to do that, after being the smartass I was said yeah right I doubt I will at this rate, he continued to tell me how much he couldn't wait til I got married. And he said that someday I'll find someone who saw in me what he does.

I think my dad saw something in this fucker that I hadn't seen, and saw that maybe I deserved a lot better than him, so decided to get him out of my life before anything worse could have happened. And I have a feeling he's up there in heaven picking out my Mr. Right. I just hope he hurries up so I don't feel so alone anymore..

it's been a while.

And there's so much to say and I just don't even know where to begin. I trusted this guy. I for once was completely myself in every way and it wasn't enough. He just up and decided he didn't want me. Just tossed me aside like I didn't even mean anything to him. And I hate how much I miss him. I hate that every night and every day all I can think about is him. I check my phone constantly thinking I'll hear from him and my heart sinks whenever I see that I haven't. He's just done with me. Just like that. I wish it was as easy for me to let go as it is for him. I wish for some reason he'd change his mind and see that I'm worth taking a chance for. But like one of my all time favorite songs go "ah but I may as well try and catch the wind.." That's how hopeless I feel. Incredibly hopeless. I fought for him. I fought and tried my best and he didn't want me. He. Didn't. Want. Me. I'm completely crushed. I had never met someone I connected so easily with. Had so much in common with. Everything seemed so right. And he just tossed me aside..

i can see clearer nowwww.....I HAVE CONTACTS!

So. For all of you who know me, I HAAAAATE touching my eyes. Up until a month ago I could never do it, then I forced myself because even though I love my glasses, I figure contacts would be more practical. So I finally went in today and got them!! I'm still a complete n00b with them-it takes me forever to take them in and out still, but I'm getting the hang of it. :]

I've had such a good few days, which is amazing. No trace of panic attacks for me (knock on wood). I'm still paranoid I'll get another one that bad. It was just so scary! bahhh.

Its technically friday, which means CALIFORNIA IN 2 DAYS!! ooooh my I am SOO ready to go!!! I got another swim suit at the MOA yesterday, which is super duper cute. Which means now I have 2 swim suits to bring! yay!! I just can't wait to sit on the beach. It's going to be such a relaxing trip-just what my mom, Kimmie, and I need! The MOA yesterday was so much fun. I did a lot of catching up with an old friend, it was just really nice.

Well, better go get ready to skype this super cute boy.. and watch home improvement
xoxo

la la laaaa

Just 5 more days and I'll be in sunny California!! I went to target today and got some last minute things for the trip, I am so excited beyond belief! I'm going to be working out hardcore until then to get my body into as good of shape it can be in. I am just paranoid I suppose.. I got out my yoga mat and I will be doing crunches and push ups and watching what I eat until I get on that plane!

I'm also getting contacts on thursday! YAY! I'm a little nervous considering my fear of eyes-but I have managed to train myself to be able to at least touch my own eye. I still cannot look at someone else touching or putting their finger near their eye, but hey as long as I can touch my own for contacts thats all that matters! I just want a new change, and I think contacts is just the thing.

I'm so excited for tomorrow. I've got a day full of working out at 5:30, walking around the MOA starting at 9:30 and then heading over to Kate's for the night since our traditional monday night sleepovers didn't work out this week so it'll be a wednesday night sleepover! Just what I need :]

I already started packing for Cali. I have way too much clothes packed so far, but for a girl you never know what you'll be in the mood to wear or what the weather will be like so that is my excuse and I'm stickin to it!

Hope you all have a fantastic night-I am headed for the yoga mat for a late night workout!

xoxo

well what the heck?!

Today has been such a relaxing day--except for that damn migraine that took up half of my night. :( I usually get them about once or twice a month and when they hit, they hit hard. The weird thing is that after this one went away I got this huge neck pain that won't go away! It's ridiculous. But I'd rather have a sore neck than a migraine ANY day.
I got a really nice dress for California today. :] I can't wait to wear it! I also got a pair of shoes that are super flashy but I LOVE them. They are purple wedges with a huge leather flower by the toes. And the name of them is sweet pea- my Baba's favorite flower which was the selling point for me on them!

I can't wait to lay on the beach and dig a huge hole like in friends-except mine is going to be a lot bigger! I can't wait to go to the zoo either. I hope they have polar bears there because they are my absolute favorite! That would totally make the trip incredible!

I visited my dad at the cemetery today. It's always so hard for me to go, but once I'm there my heart doesn't ache as much. I talked to him for a little bit, we put down some beautiful flowers for him, and I said a few prayers. I miss him so much. Especially now with fishing season here, it's still really hard for me to go but I know that he'd absolutely hate it knowing I gave up something I love to do so much just because its hard without him there. I know he's there in spirit, but I don't have him to help me take the big fish off my hook, or tell me stories, or just sit with-and thats the worst part. I need to get over this for him.

I wish I had more to say about today but thats pretty much it!
Goodnight!
xoxo

maybe if i just dream a little..

...I can go back to when the only thing I cared about was catching a bigger fish than dad and chasing fireflies.

I wish I could say that now. I hate this part of growing up where you've got so much to lose. You got your heart on the line for someone that could potentially shatter it, school and whether your grades will be good enough to get you to where you want to go, and death of loved ones, to name just a few.

I try to keep myself as childlike as possible. I love playing games and laughing and trying to be as carefree as possible. I wish that would happen when I think about school and whatnot but for most everything else I try to be as positive as possible. I like seeing things optimistically, otherwise if you look for the negative you'll never be happy with life. I've got dealt some rough cards throughout the years, but I wouldn't be the person I am now without those experiences. They've allowed me to grow as a person and become so much stronger than I ever could imagine-and I'm only 20!

I can't wait to see what life has in store for me.

California in 6 days baby!!!! bring on the ocean <3>

xoxo

"perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven.."

I am just so thankful that I was brought up in a home that went to church every sunday and since I was old enough to talk did my bedtime prayers with mom and dad. I can remember dad laying on the bed next to me praying for family and pets that had died and saying please give them a star. I really like the thought of after you die, you get a star up in the sky. It makes the nights a little easier when you can look up in the sky and see all those stars and smile knowing that someone prayed to have someone they love get one. :]

Thats my little thought of the morning!

xoxo

tossing and turning

I know I just posted my first entry not that long ago, but I am just SO excited about blogging. It's going to be such a great stress reliever for sure now that I've got a way to just get everything out.

I've been tossing and turning the past few nights and I have a feeling this is where my panic attack originated from. I hope I'm making the right decision and going to Century. I haven't gotten into the Radiology Tech program yet since I haven't finished the prerequisites. What if I don't get accepted into it? Then what do I do? That's my biggest fear. What if I don't get accepted into that program?

I know everything happens for a reason. I am a firm believer and it still scares the shit out of me that the path I've chosen isn't set in stone. I like knowing that things are for sure going to work out, I know life hardly works that way, but just once I wish I could roll with the punches. I see myself as a pretty easy going girl- but with decisions as big as this, it's hard to just sit back and watch what will happen. As soon as I for sure get accepted into the program I can breathe a sigh of relief, until then I'm going to be a nervous wreck working my ass off for this. I want this so bad it scares me that I might not get into it. I have faith in myself, however, that the decisions I make I cannot look back and regret or rethink- because I clearly made them for a reason, that it'll make me happy.

On a lighter note-

I saw Joe today! YAY! Still no homer for him at Target Field but damn he looked so good! :] I had such a blast at the game, there would have been one exception to make that game perfect- but I will not go into detail about that just yet.

Going to say my bedtime prayers and then relax!

xoxo

A ramble of sorts.

I really enjoy writing, I write in a journal almost every night-but I dedicate that to my dad. My dad and I used to stay up late at night talking almost every night before I left for college. We were both night owls, it made perfect sense considering there's so much him and I had in common, so that's when we would talk about absolutely everything. It was our special time, and I cherish the memories and bonding that we had through that. So i dedicate a journal to write to him in every night to make up for our late night conversations so they still can happen-just not the way I would like them to.

I had my first panic attack last night. I get anxiety attacks usually for tests and what not, but nothing like this. It was really scary but it had passed after 45 minutes of hyperventilating. I wish I could know the cause and what brought it on so I can avoid them in the future. My heart hurt so bad after that from racing for so long.

I'm so ready to go to California. I need to get away for a while. I just want to lay on the beach and read and put my feet in the ocean. :] 7 days...