absolutely loves dreams..

especially when my dad visits me in them like he did last night. :) I don't remember what happened in my dream or why he was there. But I woke up with this great sense of peace and remember that he was there. Those are bittersweet for me because on the one hand I get to see my dad, on the other its just a dream and I don't physically get to see him. You know? But I learned to take what I can get and if dreams are the only way I can interact with my dad and see him then I'll take it!

It's been 17 months tomorrow since he's died. I cannot believe it. I just can't believe I've gone 17 months without my dad. I look back and try to find the positive in every situation so I've been thinking of what his death has done to me. Besides all the negatives of missing him, being heartbroken with him gone, the amount of physical and emotional hurt, etc. I did come up with some positive things. Trust me though, I'd trade and give ANYTHING just to have him here, but since that's not going to happen I just have to be thankful for the times I had with him and what his death has brought me. I've learned that now he's EVERYWHERE I am. I can feel him constantly in the wind, in the sun, snow, rain whatever. I just feel him always around me, and its comforting. Now if I'm nervous about a test or something, I just think he's right next to me cheering me on! His death has also brought our family so much closer. We've always been a tight knit family but we are more so since he's died. I never leave or hang up without saying I love you to my family. And before that if I didn't say it I never thought twice. But now I just do. And I love that. His death has taught me to be more open and express how I feel to my family. His death has also made me so much stronger. At times I feel anything but strong, but I've made it almost 17 months since he's died and I've survived.

On a lighter note...Just 2 more days til Jimmy and Nikki get here. 5 more days until DULUTH!!
My room is SOOOO FREAKING MESSY. It has to get cleaned up before they get here so that's my night and day tomorrow blaaahhh. oh well.

c'est la vie!

xox