so frustrated.

He tried talking to me last night. late last night out of nowhere. He ignored me for about a week and then out of the blue started talking as if nothing happened. So I small talked for a little bit but the whole time in the back of my mind was this stupid hope that maybe he changed his mind. Just maybe he realized I'm a good thing and completely worth it. So I finally just asked why are you talking to me? You've ignored me for about a week and then just start talking. Do you have something specific you want to say to me? And he was just like no. I figure I'd give it a couple days since things ended poorly and I don't want to lose our friendship. And I was just like oh..ok. I just can't believe after all this he thinks I would be fine after a week. Are you kidding me?? He completely crushed me. And he's obviously doing just fine if he thinks I'd be completely ok after just a week. So then he's just like I still think you're awesome. And I was like well obviously not awesome enough since you won't take a chance on me. And all he said to that was "see." So at this point I'm in tears. Just shaking and in tears I'm so upset to the point where I just let it out. I said you don't get it. You don't understand how much I liked you and how for once I was completely myself with a guy in every single way. I gave and gave and gave and at the end fought so hard for you. I've never fought for a guy to give me a chance. I've never wanted a guy that much to fight for him. And you don't understand how much you hurt me and how low you made me feel about myself for not giving me that chance. And then I just signed off. I don't know what he would have said to it. But do I really want to know anyways? He's got nothing to say to me that will make it go away.

I was finally starting to do ok and then after that I'm right back where I was. Completely and utterly crushed.