does anyone have a kindle??

I've been looking at investing in one or the nook since around christmastime. But I looked online yesterday to compare the two and the kindle seems to be a way better choice; over a hundred dollars cheaper, there's no backlight and the ink they use makes it more like you're just reading a book rather than a screen, it holds twice as many books (3500) and its lighter than the nook. I was just wondering for those who have either a nook or kindle, what do you think about it? Do you like it?? Is it easy to get used to?
I just read so much and I always have a book in my purse cause I always read when I have downtime, so for me it would be so much easier especially when I finish one to just go on to the next one rather than having to carry 2 books when I'm close to finishing one.

Opinions?!

Thanks!

xoxoAnnie

I don't care what they say...

I'm loving this snow!! I love being able to sit on the couch and relax all day and watch it come down. (I guess if i had classes I would be saying something different, but since I've got nowhere to go until wed I do not mind this at all!)

I spent my day doing homework, watching rugrats, and cuddled up on the couch in my pjs! Successful day if you ask me, and I'll be repeating that tomorrow! Except tomorrow night I'm going to the wild game! :] I'm so excited I haven't been to a game in YEARS! And then I have a physics test on wednesday and then I don't have classes the rest of the week. I love that I only have one day of classes this whole week! It makes me super happy!

I've been meaning to write on here asking this question: Does anyone take/know anyone who takes sleeping pills? I haven't been sleeping the past month- waking up at least 3-5x each night from nightmares of watching my mom die. I wake up either remembering the dream vividly or just waking up unable to calm myself down- racing heart, sweating, etc. And I was wondering if anyone can tell me anything about them cause at this point I'm willing to try anything to sleep through the night. I honestly cannot remember the last time i slept through the night without waking up. My mom thinks it's because my dad's 2 year death anniversary is coming up, which makes sense with the nightmares and anxiety attacks during the night. But I also get a lot of anxiety attacks during the day as well whenever my mom leaves for work or wherever. I just constantly freak out thinking she won't come back that something's going to happen to her. ugh.

Anyways, physics is calling my name. and so is Rugrats! <3

xoxoannie

I've become very angry the past few weeks..

I've had a lot going on in my mind. I've needed my dad's opinion on things and I've prayed and prayed and prayed for him to give me a sign or to lead me the right way with this guy situation. I'm really struggling and stressing out about it and I really need some advice and I haven't really gotten any so I turned to him, the one that ALWAYS helped me out with stuff like this and I haven't had any dreams with him or any signs or anything. I have never felt so alone and it makes me angry with my dad. I don't know what to do and I've lost a lot of sleep and I'm beyond stressed.


I need help.

:(

xoxoAnnie

as much as i love breaks..

I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for a routine and I'm finally motivated again to just get out there and kick ass. We'll see how long that lasts, hopefully it will but knowing me I'll get unmotivated pretty quickly. As soon as I start to struggle with a class I usually have a hard time finding motivation to get out and just study. I don't know how to change that about myself, but I would really like to!!

This post is going to be very short because I've got a glass of wine, a new book to read, and a bath calling my name right now :)

I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I mean I do every day, but the past few weeks its been really hard on me whenever I think about him. I don't know if its just because of the holidays or what, but I'm just having a really hard time right now without him. The day he died constantly has been replaying in my mind nonstop and I've just been in a funky mood. I kind of feel numb about everything and its just really weird. Every time i see my niece I think about him and I wonder what it would be like if he were here. He would absolutely adore her I know that, but it just makes me really really sad knowing she'll never get to meet him. I am convinced that he visits her. Its weird to think that but I've heard a lot of stories about how spirits visit little kids especially and when she was a newborn there were times when I'd be babysitting her or just playing with her and all of a sudden she'd stop and stare and smile at the ceiling. Sometimes for a few minutes and then she'd look back at me. I know it might not be nothing, but I like to think its just him visiting her and she can somehow see him. I hope that's the case. I hope she gets some time with him. Is this weird of me to think??

Anyways, new haircut tomorrow! Will post a picture afterwards. I'm really excited it'll be my first step towards a new year and new beginnings for me! :]


now, off to read and relax.

xoxoAnnie

hello new year, please be kind to me

It's been a while since I've written.. and I've made my resolution for the new year to start it up again, because I love it so much and its such a de-stressor for me.

So much is going on in my head and I don't even know where to start. I've been kind of seeing a guy the past few months.. and by kind of I mean he lives pretty far away so I've only seen him twice in 2 months. And I'm having a really hard time with the distance and we've grown apart and I had told him a couple weeks ago that I can't start anything right now because I really need to focus on school ( I have to retake physics cause my grade wasn't high enough to apply for my program) so I can't have any distractions. But I don't think he really understands because he still talks to me as if we're dating. And because I haven't seen him much my feelings have kind of faded a bit, and I feel horrible for even writing that because he's a great guy. I haven't had a guy treat me as well as him, but its not fair to him that I'm just not feeling it. So do I really end things now or wait a little longer to see what happens? I don't want to lead him on, I've been led on so many times thats not something I will even think of doing so I feel like if I just wait it out a little longer then would that be bad? I'm really struggling with this because I just don't know what to do. And normally I would go to my dad with this, but I can't anymore. I still talk to him but its not the same when you can't get any input back. Its just really stressing me out and I start classes on monday so I just really need to relax and focus on school. But how can I when I am obsessing over this? I'm torn about what to do.. part of me says just end it since he knows nothing would be able to happen until after the semester anyways and if I'm not feeling it anymore now I probably won't be in a few months.. and another part says well maybe if you see him again the feelings will come back. how can you let a great guy like him go. Would I be able to find another guy like him that treats me right? I just don't know what to do..

I'm really glad school's going to be starting up again. I am so ready to focus all my time and energy studying so I can do really well. Last semester didn't go so well. I had a dick of a professor for my writing class-if you got one mistake it was an automatic C on a paper so I ended up with a D in that class.. and I got a C in physics and I needed a B to apply to the program. which blows because I was SO close!! So i'm retaking physics this spring. I just hate how school is so hard for me. I study my ass off for just average grades- but I did get a B in biology and an A in badminton! hahahah :]

It'll be nice to have a routine again and get back in the swing of things. Plus I'm really excited to be back on here writing again, just letting all this out is a weight off my shoulder.

I just found out today New Kids on The Block are coming here July 15-HOLY CRAP I am SO excited!! I will definitely be attending that concert for sure!

Since its a new year-its time for new beginnings and new starts. So of course I will be chopping my hair off on thursday. I just need a change and this I can control so I'm doing it! I'm really excited. I love my hair short and its gotten quite long-past my shoulders. I haven't had it that long since high school. I just get so bored of it when its long because it just sits. I can't do anything fun with it! So i'm pretty excited. :]

I'm ready for this new year.
Fresh new starts!

xoxoAnnie

hello me, its been a while :]

I've been looking forward to saying this for months- I'm finally completely over that guy! YESSSSSSS. It's such a great feeling to not be upset or mad or have any feelings what so ever for that jerk. I've moved on, and it feels wonderful.
I can walk outside and enjoy the day without thinking about him, I can honestly say I'm fully me again. The only difference is I'm stronger than ever :]

I'm going into my fourth week of school, can you believe it!? I can't! Holy moly! I'm really liking my classes so far, not really meeting anyone but thats ok, I've got amazing friends as it is I'm just really happy these days.

My birthday is on wednesday! I'm finally going to be 21. SOO exciting! I'm going to really miss my dad though, more than usual. I'll take a shot of vodka for him. :]

I don't have much to say.. going to Vegas on thursday so I will keep you guys up to date with pictures and stories! My mom bought me front row tickets to see the Elvis Cirque Du Soleil show for my present. I AM SO PUMPED BEYOND BELIEF!!!!!!!

more later, church tomorrow- I'm finally also no longer angry with God about my dad's death. It feels so good to accept the things I cannot change, and trust and have faith. Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan and I'm here for the ride to see where God takes me. <3

dear dad..

School officially started for me, I just finished my first week at my new school, can you believe it!?! I sure can't. It's been a rough road for me without you here. I miss your encouraging talks, the reassurance in your voice, just everything we ever talked about you always made me confident about what I'm doing and where I plan to go. You always gave me so much confidence in myself... and I don't have that anymore.

I finally realized why I'm having such a hard time adjusting to Century, and it's not because I'm not living on campus like I had previously thought. It's cause I don't feel proud of myself for going there. I've had a lot of discouraging words and disappointment from some people I know, and you know as well.., and I just remember when Kimmie transferred to St. Kate's how proud everyone was and how you even cried! And I just feel kind of like a failure that I'm going from St. Thomas to Century. But I keep telling myself I'm going there for a reason and that I should be proud of myself no matter what.

I'm still working on my confidence. I always struggled with it, but these past few months its just deteriorated. I hate boys. I hate how low they can make you feel. I hate everything about taking chances with them because look where it always leads me. You always told me I'd find someone who saw in me everything you did, and I'm starting to feel like this person you have described doesn't exist. And its so hard for me not to have you reassure me about everything. I miss you.

I went to the state fair with mom and kimmie last night for dinner. We ate lots of food as always, and despite the fact that your presence was greatly missed, we had a great time! We are going again for the whole day tomorrow and then sunday with Christy, Mark, and Lainey. I will for sure visit our spot at the DNR fish pools to visit the big fish for you, I know you'll be there. Last year when I did I cried I missed you so much, so hopefully this year I can be a little more stronger for you, and maybe even smile this time at our spot.

I wish I could tell you something that you would be proud of me for, but lately I've just been living to get through each day. I know I shouldn't be like this.. please guide me dad. Please let me know you're proud and please visit me in my dreams soon? I miss you. We could go fishing or to the fair :] you get to pick.

I love you.