My mom broke the news to me tonight that she's making a profile on match.com. She started it already, but hasn't finished it and also hasn't paid for it yet. I was taken aback and then she went on to show me a match she had already gotten that they sent her of a widowed guy and she seemed really interested in him and everything. It pretty much hit me like a ton of bricks. I always told her to do something like that since she's been really lonely and sad about dad and everything and she finally seems to be ready to get back out there. I'm really really trying to be supportive and I was completely fine until tonight when she told me she's really doing it.
I hate that I feel sick to my stomach at the fact of her being with someone else. And I understand that its completely selfish and totally immature of me to think this, so in no way will I tell her she can't or how I feel. If this will make her happy then she needs to do it. I want nothing more than for her to be happy and fall in love again, I just didn't think it would hit me this hard.
I have been holding back tears all night over this and I can't seem to keep my mind straight. I know in time once I get used to the idea hopefully it will be easier and I understand I need to work and put an effort to be ok with it. I honestly thought I was ok with it until tonight when its becoming a reality.
I miss my dad. I wish he was here. I will be saying a lot of prayers to give me the strength to move on and be ok with mom dating again. I really in my heart want her to be happy and have been telling her to do this if she wants to meet anyone. But man, now that its a reality I feel like I just got hit with a ton of bricks.
I guess this is one of God's tests to test my strength and faith. I hope I pass.
xoxoAnnie
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