ugh..

I've been suffering from pretty severe anxiety attacks that have really been hitting me hard since about January or February. I have always had higher anxiety than most people but lately it's just getting ridiculous. I seem to literally have a panic attack over every little thing that I question or is out of my control. I had been put on an anxiety/antidepressants in the past but those just helped my depression. Now that I've conquered my depression, I got off those since they never fixed my anxiety. I don't want to take any anxiety meds if I don't have to so I want to start researching other options on how to deal with this.

I've become an insomniac again for the past 7 months or so. I think I'm just going through another rough patch about my dad and thats why its come back. I don't know why, but nights scare me lately. All I do is sit in bed and worry one way or another about something. Most of the time I worry about stupid stuff, but I usually end up thinking of dad which makes me cry and nobody is up to help calm me down and I feel like a bother if I try to wake my mom up, so I deal with it alone.

I've been feeling very lonely these days. My phone seems to only go off if my mom is calling me or if I get a cnn update from twitter. My brother in law is trying to hook me up with a paramedic friend of his. He's 25 and Mark was saying he thinks going on a double date together would be the best option for me meeting him. He said this about a month ago and we still haven't gone out yet. I'm starting to worry this won't ever happen and maybe this guy changed his mind about giving me a chance. Wouldn't be the first time someone changed their mind about giving me a chance..

xoxoAnnie