I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for a routine and I'm finally motivated again to just get out there and kick ass. We'll see how long that lasts, hopefully it will but knowing me I'll get unmotivated pretty quickly. As soon as I start to struggle with a class I usually have a hard time finding motivation to get out and just study. I don't know how to change that about myself, but I would really like to!!
This post is going to be very short because I've got a glass of wine, a new book to read, and a bath calling my name right now :)
I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I mean I do every day, but the past few weeks its been really hard on me whenever I think about him. I don't know if its just because of the holidays or what, but I'm just having a really hard time right now without him. The day he died constantly has been replaying in my mind nonstop and I've just been in a funky mood. I kind of feel numb about everything and its just really weird. Every time i see my niece I think about him and I wonder what it would be like if he were here. He would absolutely adore her I know that, but it just makes me really really sad knowing she'll never get to meet him. I am convinced that he visits her. Its weird to think that but I've heard a lot of stories about how spirits visit little kids especially and when she was a newborn there were times when I'd be babysitting her or just playing with her and all of a sudden she'd stop and stare and smile at the ceiling. Sometimes for a few minutes and then she'd look back at me. I know it might not be nothing, but I like to think its just him visiting her and she can somehow see him. I hope that's the case. I hope she gets some time with him. Is this weird of me to think??
Anyways, new haircut tomorrow! Will post a picture afterwards. I'm really excited it'll be my first step towards a new year and new beginnings for me! :]
now, off to read and relax.
xoxoAnnie
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Annie, I have no idea what it's like losing a parent, but I am 100% sure that your dad visits your niece, you, Kimmie, and your entire family. I don't think it's a matter of him visiting her more, I just think kids can somehow sense their presence more. That's not how I want to put it, but that's the best I can come up with. My uncle passed away this summer and he has a granddaughter who is about a year and a half. One day she was playing behind the couch and was laughing and all the stuff. She came out from behind there and had his picture in her hand. She also giggles a lot at night in her bed when she is trying to fall asleep. I know it's Uncle Chuck there. It's not weird to think and your dad is definitely getting to watch her grow up. She may not remember those moments, but they are definitely there. Sorry, that was about as long as your post! haha!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your wine and book and bath! I poured myself a glass tonight as well. I think that's the theme for tonight. And also, thanks for the advice on my blog :) I know I said I didn't need it, but I probably did need to hear it. And I took it, hence the wine and it did help a lot :)
Okay, enough rambling for one night!
good :) and thank you! its nice to know i'm not the only one who thinks things like that! I'm glad you took my advice. It wasn't much advice but I'm the same as you-I just worry worry worry and i need to take my own advice more but once I just take that little time for myself just for that little time everythings ok. It doesn't stay ok because once i'm done reading or taking a bath then i'm right back to it. but for that short time everything's ok. hahah you'll figure everything out though. its strange how when you least expect it things just start to fall into place. I can't tell you when but sooner or later it will. Just gotta have faith in things you can't control-no matter how hard it is!!
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