I've had a lot going on in my mind. I've needed my dad's opinion on things and I've prayed and prayed and prayed for him to give me a sign or to lead me the right way with this guy situation. I'm really struggling and stressing out about it and I really need some advice and I haven't really gotten any so I turned to him, the one that ALWAYS helped me out with stuff like this and I haven't had any dreams with him or any signs or anything. I have never felt so alone and it makes me angry with my dad. I don't know what to do and I've lost a lot of sleep and I'm beyond stressed.
I need help.
:(
xoxoAnnie
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
as much as i love breaks..
I'm ready to go back to school. I'm ready for a routine and I'm finally motivated again to just get out there and kick ass. We'll see how long that lasts, hopefully it will but knowing me I'll get unmotivated pretty quickly. As soon as I start to struggle with a class I usually have a hard time finding motivation to get out and just study. I don't know how to change that about myself, but I would really like to!!
This post is going to be very short because I've got a glass of wine, a new book to read, and a bath calling my name right now :)
I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I mean I do every day, but the past few weeks its been really hard on me whenever I think about him. I don't know if its just because of the holidays or what, but I'm just having a really hard time right now without him. The day he died constantly has been replaying in my mind nonstop and I've just been in a funky mood. I kind of feel numb about everything and its just really weird. Every time i see my niece I think about him and I wonder what it would be like if he were here. He would absolutely adore her I know that, but it just makes me really really sad knowing she'll never get to meet him. I am convinced that he visits her. Its weird to think that but I've heard a lot of stories about how spirits visit little kids especially and when she was a newborn there were times when I'd be babysitting her or just playing with her and all of a sudden she'd stop and stare and smile at the ceiling. Sometimes for a few minutes and then she'd look back at me. I know it might not be nothing, but I like to think its just him visiting her and she can somehow see him. I hope that's the case. I hope she gets some time with him. Is this weird of me to think??
Anyways, new haircut tomorrow! Will post a picture afterwards. I'm really excited it'll be my first step towards a new year and new beginnings for me! :]
now, off to read and relax.
xoxoAnnie
This post is going to be very short because I've got a glass of wine, a new book to read, and a bath calling my name right now :)
I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I mean I do every day, but the past few weeks its been really hard on me whenever I think about him. I don't know if its just because of the holidays or what, but I'm just having a really hard time right now without him. The day he died constantly has been replaying in my mind nonstop and I've just been in a funky mood. I kind of feel numb about everything and its just really weird. Every time i see my niece I think about him and I wonder what it would be like if he were here. He would absolutely adore her I know that, but it just makes me really really sad knowing she'll never get to meet him. I am convinced that he visits her. Its weird to think that but I've heard a lot of stories about how spirits visit little kids especially and when she was a newborn there were times when I'd be babysitting her or just playing with her and all of a sudden she'd stop and stare and smile at the ceiling. Sometimes for a few minutes and then she'd look back at me. I know it might not be nothing, but I like to think its just him visiting her and she can somehow see him. I hope that's the case. I hope she gets some time with him. Is this weird of me to think??
Anyways, new haircut tomorrow! Will post a picture afterwards. I'm really excited it'll be my first step towards a new year and new beginnings for me! :]
now, off to read and relax.
xoxoAnnie
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
hello new year, please be kind to me
It's been a while since I've written.. and I've made my resolution for the new year to start it up again, because I love it so much and its such a de-stressor for me.
So much is going on in my head and I don't even know where to start. I've been kind of seeing a guy the past few months.. and by kind of I mean he lives pretty far away so I've only seen him twice in 2 months. And I'm having a really hard time with the distance and we've grown apart and I had told him a couple weeks ago that I can't start anything right now because I really need to focus on school ( I have to retake physics cause my grade wasn't high enough to apply for my program) so I can't have any distractions. But I don't think he really understands because he still talks to me as if we're dating. And because I haven't seen him much my feelings have kind of faded a bit, and I feel horrible for even writing that because he's a great guy. I haven't had a guy treat me as well as him, but its not fair to him that I'm just not feeling it. So do I really end things now or wait a little longer to see what happens? I don't want to lead him on, I've been led on so many times thats not something I will even think of doing so I feel like if I just wait it out a little longer then would that be bad? I'm really struggling with this because I just don't know what to do. And normally I would go to my dad with this, but I can't anymore. I still talk to him but its not the same when you can't get any input back. Its just really stressing me out and I start classes on monday so I just really need to relax and focus on school. But how can I when I am obsessing over this? I'm torn about what to do.. part of me says just end it since he knows nothing would be able to happen until after the semester anyways and if I'm not feeling it anymore now I probably won't be in a few months.. and another part says well maybe if you see him again the feelings will come back. how can you let a great guy like him go. Would I be able to find another guy like him that treats me right? I just don't know what to do..
I'm really glad school's going to be starting up again. I am so ready to focus all my time and energy studying so I can do really well. Last semester didn't go so well. I had a dick of a professor for my writing class-if you got one mistake it was an automatic C on a paper so I ended up with a D in that class.. and I got a C in physics and I needed a B to apply to the program. which blows because I was SO close!! So i'm retaking physics this spring. I just hate how school is so hard for me. I study my ass off for just average grades- but I did get a B in biology and an A in badminton! hahahah :]
It'll be nice to have a routine again and get back in the swing of things. Plus I'm really excited to be back on here writing again, just letting all this out is a weight off my shoulder.
I just found out today New Kids on The Block are coming here July 15-HOLY CRAP I am SO excited!! I will definitely be attending that concert for sure!
Since its a new year-its time for new beginnings and new starts. So of course I will be chopping my hair off on thursday. I just need a change and this I can control so I'm doing it! I'm really excited. I love my hair short and its gotten quite long-past my shoulders. I haven't had it that long since high school. I just get so bored of it when its long because it just sits. I can't do anything fun with it! So i'm pretty excited. :]
I'm ready for this new year.
Fresh new starts!
xoxoAnnie
So much is going on in my head and I don't even know where to start. I've been kind of seeing a guy the past few months.. and by kind of I mean he lives pretty far away so I've only seen him twice in 2 months. And I'm having a really hard time with the distance and we've grown apart and I had told him a couple weeks ago that I can't start anything right now because I really need to focus on school ( I have to retake physics cause my grade wasn't high enough to apply for my program) so I can't have any distractions. But I don't think he really understands because he still talks to me as if we're dating. And because I haven't seen him much my feelings have kind of faded a bit, and I feel horrible for even writing that because he's a great guy. I haven't had a guy treat me as well as him, but its not fair to him that I'm just not feeling it. So do I really end things now or wait a little longer to see what happens? I don't want to lead him on, I've been led on so many times thats not something I will even think of doing so I feel like if I just wait it out a little longer then would that be bad? I'm really struggling with this because I just don't know what to do. And normally I would go to my dad with this, but I can't anymore. I still talk to him but its not the same when you can't get any input back. Its just really stressing me out and I start classes on monday so I just really need to relax and focus on school. But how can I when I am obsessing over this? I'm torn about what to do.. part of me says just end it since he knows nothing would be able to happen until after the semester anyways and if I'm not feeling it anymore now I probably won't be in a few months.. and another part says well maybe if you see him again the feelings will come back. how can you let a great guy like him go. Would I be able to find another guy like him that treats me right? I just don't know what to do..
I'm really glad school's going to be starting up again. I am so ready to focus all my time and energy studying so I can do really well. Last semester didn't go so well. I had a dick of a professor for my writing class-if you got one mistake it was an automatic C on a paper so I ended up with a D in that class.. and I got a C in physics and I needed a B to apply to the program. which blows because I was SO close!! So i'm retaking physics this spring. I just hate how school is so hard for me. I study my ass off for just average grades- but I did get a B in biology and an A in badminton! hahahah :]
It'll be nice to have a routine again and get back in the swing of things. Plus I'm really excited to be back on here writing again, just letting all this out is a weight off my shoulder.
I just found out today New Kids on The Block are coming here July 15-HOLY CRAP I am SO excited!! I will definitely be attending that concert for sure!
Since its a new year-its time for new beginnings and new starts. So of course I will be chopping my hair off on thursday. I just need a change and this I can control so I'm doing it! I'm really excited. I love my hair short and its gotten quite long-past my shoulders. I haven't had it that long since high school. I just get so bored of it when its long because it just sits. I can't do anything fun with it! So i'm pretty excited. :]
I'm ready for this new year.
Fresh new starts!
xoxoAnnie
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